I spend so long working on this the other week only to have my computer crash and I thought I’d lost this post. I was quite the sad panda. But lo, it was backed up! Huzzah! Rejoice! *does the happy happy joy joy dance*
I’ve been struggling with a heart/head dilemma for awhile regarding my ThoBro guild; my heart was telling me to stick it out, and try and fix what’s broke/changed, be loyal; my head was telling me to GTFO before I stress myself out and/or rage quit because I’ve severely burned myself out. I knew things were bad when a bit of drama popped up and I was secretly hoping that things would end up such that I had a reason to go “Guys, that was the last straw, such and such was rediculous/I don’t deserve being called a (whatever)/some other reason”. Then I thought, if I’m looking for an excuse to leave, mayhap I’d best just do that. I caught my GM one evening when he had some time and laid things out…the good, the bad, everything. He understood and supported my decision. I decided that I would dedicate myself to one server, especially with regards to raiding. ThoBro would switch places with my original server, Scarlet Crusade as my ‘secondary server’ meaning it was second on my list, no longer getting priority over the other server. I’ll log on there when I feel like it as opposed to being obliged to for some reason.
I’m not looking to name and shame here, in some cases I just don’t see the point or it would hurt feelings/stir up more crap. But I’ll see if I can elaborate on my issues, at least a bit. As I told a guildie who found out about my decision after I talked to GM, there is honestly not ONE person or ONE incident that pushed me to make my decision. This has more or less been brewing since last January, when Cata had some out and my raid group was all but DOA. Guildie X was at the center of some drama that put the final nail in the coffin of my raid group (but it’s her I have to thank, ironically, for where I am now…I wouldn’t have gone back to Endy 2.0 at that point without the drama she ended up causing). This was the first time I thought about leaving the guild, but I held on for dear life in attempt to stay there and stay raiding with them. After the GM and her husband decided to transfer off the server, the guild took some hits during the confusion following their announcement and promotion of an unpopular choice to GM. I was unsure what, if anything, I would be doing in the time that followed.
I stuck around to help out but in the end, it just wasn’t feeling like home any more. Many of the folks I’d felt close to in guild had left or stopped playing. I felt that at any time, my raid was a hairs breath from imploding spectacularly around itself because I suspect not everyone likes their fellow group mates. The healer channel was, at times, a place to gripe about or insult others. Full disclosure: I myself was guilty at times and eventually resolved to speak as little as possible, and only about healing matters. This caused me much stress until a meeting before raid one night, but even afterwards, I still waited to see if we’d have a shoe drop. I wanted to try and make things work, but I couldn’t work up much energy to actually….try very much. Our struggles in Firelands only made me more anxious, as well as frustrated, honestly. Not because we weren’t progressing so much as I feared that morale would tank and lead to sniping and bad feelings. I wasn’t having fun anymore. Raids used to be fun, and even anticipated. There was cameraderie and a sense of determination to get that boss down, even if it took us for freaking ever (Sindy, I’m looking at you!). Was it perfection every night? No. Did I want to strangle some fellow raiders sometimes? Sure. But I enjoyed it.
There is more WoW time behind me than ahead of me and I don’t want to spend the rest of my time unhappy, so I made this move to do what I want and have fun….advice I have given others before and am now taking again. So back to Scarlet Crusade, where I began my days in WoW. Making this change greatly simplifies things for me, as I no longer have to raid on 2 different servers, sometimes back to back. More free time was something else I wanted to get out of this. There was a time when I was in one raid or another 4-5 days out of the week. It got kinda out of hand. I decided against transferring my priest, which was an option I was considering, owing to the fact that I have an up and coming disc priest on SC I made awhile back (ironically, just for funsies earlier this year I think) who is closing in on level 82. I have a ‘copy’ of all my main toons on ThoBro over on SC, so I’m content to leave everyone where they are. I’ve largely stayed away from ThoBro since I made my decision, but that’s *mostly* because I went on vacation the next week, then it was the madness of Christmas, then…well, some cowardice on my part, I admit. But you know, as soon as I’d voiced my decision to the GM, I felt it was the right thing to do. A weight was lifted off me and I felt good.
Endy 2.0 has now killed Deathwing (in a regular 10 man raid, not just LFR…which I don’t really count), I’m pushing to get to 85 on my wee priest and generally having fun. And I’m doing new things that are relaxing and fun…I’m focusing on fishing and JC’ing dailies, Darkmoon Faire stuff, and working on my DK’s enchanting. I no longer worry about who might piss of whom or spend a whole night anxious and hoping for a boss kill so everyone can be happy. Am I expecting rainbows, puppies and green grass year round? No. I’m too cynical for that. You wait long enough, drama always comes around. But hopefully when it does, it will be dealt with smartly.
- LFR. It’s something I haven’t delved into that much yet, but I have thoughts about it, just like everyone else. Vidyala over at Manalicious wrote a post called Looking For: Community (I’d link it, but my work computer has decided links are the devil) that I found myself nodding mostly in agreement with. For me, it’s for me a tool to get better gear until I am blessed with winning the regular version of the item, or a way to get my alts better gear since they’re not my main and therefore not raiding. I go in expecting VP and a shot at gear (haven’t one one daggum thing yet) and hope for the best. But I like that it gives people an *option* they might not have otherwise had. I no longer have the horrid work hours I used to, but when I would work until 11pm, or even 1am, finding a raid group was uh, impossible. There was a time when I would have LOVED that LFR is finally giving me the chance to see bosses I never would have. Is it an ideal raid situation? Heck no. 25 random strangers of differing experiences and skill level thrown together to kill simplified versions of raid bosses…..yeah. But it’s something, and for some, it’s more than they has before.
- I really, really want to play SW:TOR. I know quite a few folks that are playing it now and the only reason I haven’t joined them is I lack a PC to do it on. But in a lightbulb moment, I realized my current laptop is almost 9 years old and it could tooooootally die any time now. Yeeeah. That’s my reason and I’m sticking to it! So I aim to get a PC laptop when one of my tech-minded friends thinks the timing is right (we’re hoping prices drop on the laptops I’m looking at). THEN I can not only play SW:TOR, but LOTRO. I enjoyed playing it, but my Mac Mini didn’t like playing at being a PC and it was just too much trouble to work out the problems.
- It occurs to me, looking at my header, it’s woefully out of date. Endyme, the Original Flavor, has sadly been gathering dust since I took her out of her raid group. Lirwyn is no longer a main focus of mine, though I love her dearly. *puts a new header on her to do list*
- I look forward to blogging about well, stuff other than my head/heart issues and actually talking about healing, paladins, priests, whatever randomness that comes to mind. I’ve been VERY bad at keeping this blog up…I could probably count on a hand and half of another one how many posts I had last year. But there’s only so many times you can go “Bleeeh, drama…bleeeeh, not having fun..” before even I’d get tired of it, and I just wasn’t inspired to talk about much else.