Caught in the middle

Warning: Cryptic post is cryptic

I have people confide in me in game, not all the time or anything, but people tell me things and I’m not a gossip so it generally doesn’t go anywhere. Sometimes I even forget what it was they told me! I like being someone people feel comfortable telling things to and giving advice, however lame it may be (I don’t usually feel like I have the ‘right thing to say’). But sometimes it bites you in the ass. And it did. *rubs behind*

Part of my philosophy since server transferring has been to ‘stay out of it’. I theorize that part of what worsened the dramaz I’d seen/been involved in in the past is my tendency to want to make it all better, and in the process have quite possibly made it worse. I have no idea if this is true, but ya know…I tend to heap blame on myself a lot. I’m an adult, and for the most part my guildies (past and present) are adults. They should be able to work things out amongst themselves, but sometimes I feel a cooler head is needed. In the most recent kerfuffle*, I’m armed with information from both sides and have some feelings of my own I’d like to get out but is it my business to do so? I was even hesitant to write anything at all because I know guildies read my blog and I want to keep my posts classy and not name and shame or cause even more trouble by airing dirty laundry, so to speak.

I’m a bit unsure of what, if anything, I should do. I feel the situation could either fix itself with a conversation between the 2 parties….an honest and calm discussion of the issues *now* before things sit and brew for even longer and explode in a messy and dramatic fashion, or explode (now or later) with multiple people possibly affected (myself included). I understand where both sides are coming from and feel frustrated that I can’t really vent my true feelings without potentially hurting someone’s feelings. UGH. This is why I really tend to say nothing much of the time….Or it could even be all better now and I’m making mountains of non-existant molehills. I am a worry wart after all. It’s what I do.

So now that I’ve probably thoroughly confused anybody reading this…I’m going to New York on Wednesday!!! Huzzah! Broadway here I come! Plays, musicals, pastrami! I love it all. Though everytime I go to NYC nowadays, I get a little antsy, because I remember the time the guild I was in at the time exploded in dramatic fashion whilst I was up there and I came back to find a new guild made from many ex-guildies in it’s place ready to invite me. Things were never the same after that. Plus I hated the tabard they chose. And the name. GOD that feels good to get out!

*zens out* Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…….
*kerfuffle is such an amusing word, doncha think?


About Holly

I'm a 30-something human being who enjoys traveling, reading and playing SWTOR in my spare time.
This entry was posted in Guild Stuffs, Srs Bzns, WoW. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Caught in the middle

  1. Kanrad says:

    First and foremost guard yourself in the future. If someone comes to you with issues regarding another friend make it clear that’s the case. Be blunt and up front with both sides and tell them you do not wish to be involved or be the middle man. Recommend to them they both need to talk to one another to avoid escalation.

    Your current situation is however a too late scenario. You need to speak to both sides and tell them you fear the worst if they don’t wish to sit down and talk. Offer to either be there as a level headed mediator or offer to find them another uninvolved party that can do the same.

    Under no circumstance should you continue to stay quite or allow them to sort it out in private. The only way to stop a grenade from going off is to put the pin back in.

    • Endyme says:

      It’s hard to describe this the way I want…..hrmm…it’s not a long brewing thing, and just kinda happened and I’m getting stuff from both sides that…augh, I just don’t want to make it worse and I know it might easily could’ve. Meh, I don’t want to act impulsively and make anything a bigger deal than it is, I just dislike conflict of any sort and want to put a bandaid on it.

      ty for the advice, Kan. 🙂

  2. Ophelie says:

    I’m not sure what the situation is, but as a general rule for personal issues: unless someone is in danger, stay out of it.

    If you’re ok with being the crying shoulder, that’s fine, listen and be empathetic. Sometimes people just need to vent. And encourage your friends to communicate with EACH OTHER if they want their problems solved.

    If both parties ask you to be a mediator and you’re fine with that, then by all means go for it. Otherwise remember that these are adults and you’re not their mother.

    Of course, if this is an issue that directly concerns your guild/raiding team/social circle issue and you’re an officer, then yes, deal with it before it damages the team.

    • Endyme says:

      I’m fine and dandy with being there for people to vent to or confide in. I think it’s healthy to have at least one person you know you can say whatever is on your mind, even if it is petty or mean or what have you. There’s a friend that’s that person for me. I know I can say pretty much whatever is on my mind and he won’t think I’m an evil bitch for whatever I’m venting about. But it is true that I’m not their mother and I can’t fix everything. I’ve just been burned so many times before by drama and I can see where this *could* head if things go as bad as possible.

      I think I’ll just say my peace in an in game mail and hope that things get worked out. It’s not my place to do much else, since I’m not an officer. For all I know, it’s just fine and I’m overthinking this, since I couldn’t log in tonight (hooray for time cards running out!)

      • Lara says:

        So, obviously I know really nothing about your situation, but I wanted to comment on this one thing you said:

        I think it’s healthy to have at least one person you know you can say whatever is on your mind, even if it is petty or mean or what have you.

        I agree with you completely on this. At the same time, I think it’s very bad to try to be that person for someone if you’re “involved” in the troubles they’re talking about. I’ve had a lot of very painful drama come up because I tried to be the confidante for someone whose troubles involved another friend of mine. Inevitably, I found you can’t keep the neutral distance you need, and you wind up getting pulled into a whole he-said, she-said thing.

        I’m not saying you should sit by and do nothing; but I think what Kanrad wrote above rings true—you want to be careful how far you let yourself be drawn in. Dramamagnetism is an incredibly powerful force.

        • Endyme says:

          Very, very true. It’s hard to hear one friend gripe about another person with whom you are also friends. I’ve had this happen IRL more than in game, actually. It’s hard, because you like them both and what do you do? It’s awkward. Not quite the same circumstance I was referencing in my entirely too cryptic for words post, but I totally hear you. But for me, the person with whom I can be completely honest with and I know he won’t judge me is someone that is from my home server and though he has toons on ThoBro, he’s not on all the time (so I know he’ll never be in the middle of zee drama…plus he’s just not a ‘drama llama’).

          Once again, the fates must be conspiring against me (or not so subtly telling me to butt out) because I was suddenly reminded at the last minute today I had to work and couldn’t log on at all. Sonofa…

  3. Endyme says:

    Aaand just like I had hoped, both folks involved ended up talking that night and worked things out. I sent an in game mail to one of them and they said all was well. The world was just conspiring against me so I couldn’t get in game much til…well, tonight really. I’ve just gotten in long enough to do my Direbrew ‘daily’ and log.

    Btw, my DK got both the ram AND the kodo in one bag last night. Woah.

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