One things that’s lovely about having a blog, and one that doesn’t have a high rate of traffic (except for when Miss Medicina linked to one of my posts and whooo boy….my blog was hopping that day!), is that I feel I have freedom to write whatever pleases me. That, and I can get thoughts that have been rattling around my brain forever on ‘paper’, so to speak. Which is awesome.
One thought I’ve had for awhile that I feel like sharing relates to getting overly emotional in game. Basically, for me, if WoW makes me cry or some issue from in game affects my RL, it’s a warning sign. A game I play for FUN affecting my emotional state and/or causing me to be distracted or whatever the case may be is not good. Maybe a step back is needed, or a break from WoW if it’s bad enough. I play to enjoy myself, hang with cool people and distract myself from the real world for a time, so if the game is distracting me….that’s kinda not good. There are 2 major instances in game that spring to mind for me when I think about getting upset over the game, probably a few more that could apply with more thought. One of them though, takes the cake. That one happened long enough ago now that the hurt has faded, and I really don’t think about it much, but it’s affected where I am now, so….partial thanks are in order to the person involved, I guess.
A Sunday about 2-3? years ago, Father’s Day to be exact. I’m pretty sure no raids were scheduled, but either way, I hadn’t signed up for anything because I didn’t know what my plans were for Father’s Day. Sometime after lunch, I was home and decided to log on and quest around on an alt I was working on for a bit, since that’s something I can easily drop if something comes up. I had vague plans to mow my lawn if dad wasn’t planning anything else. Mowing my lawn was something I pretty much had to do on the weekends back then, because I worked nights, which meant by the time I got home, it was dark and I really hate getting up and doing it in the morning, so that was out.
A guildie, we’ll call him Jerkface, offered to run my wee alt through Scarlet Monestary on his 70 Lock (LK wasn’t out yet…this was when Kara was still SRS BZNS). I decided I had time to do that and then I could log off and tend to my lawn and well that just worked out grand, yep. I has a plan. So off Jerkface and I go, he blasting things with extreme prejudice and me, well, looting as fast as I could. We were in Vent, chatting about things of no consequence. Phone call!. Hey, some friends want to hang out later on. Time uncertain, but they were just seeing if I was available. Cool, I can do that. So now it’s: finish SM, mow lawn, then hang with friends.
Then trouble begins…
At this point, there were a few guildies on, but no more than a handful. Someone floated the idea of hitting up Karazhan. Between all the people that were on, we had JUST enough to go if some folks switched to alts so we had the right mix of DPS, healing and tanking. Well, that’s dandy and I’d love to go, but I had plans. RL plans. Which kinda trump any in game, spur of the moment plans in my book. I whispered the GM and said as much, that I really didn’t think I had the time to head into Kara, sorry. He was fine with it, but when I said something to that effect in Vent, Jerkface came back with (loosely paraphrasing cause my memory isn’t THAT good) “Well, that’s just an excuse.” I was kinda gobsmacked for a second there. I mean, wtf? I explained that I had plans with some friends to hang out and I really needed to mow my lawn and it’s not gonna mow itself. He wasn’t buying it. He was all, I could mow my lawn the next day (technically, yes. But did I WANT to? No), and I could call my friends and hang out later than planned (I did call to see if they had more of an idea of timing, and one of them had a headache, so maybe once she gets over her headache? I didn’t dare say “My guild needs me for a raid, could we meet later in the evening?” Those words will hopefully never cross my lips).
I honestly don’t recall how the rest of it went, the memory has faded over time, but the gist of it was he felt I was using my plans as an excuse, that 9 other people were ready and willing to raid and I’m holding them back and I ended up in tears, sobbing in Vent. I felt like shit. I felt bad for the guildie whom I later realized had been in the channel the whole time…. But I stuck to (and am proud of it) my guns. RL trumps WoW every time, for me. I’ve heard stories of guys, while AT WORK, saying “Hold on, I can’t get to [insert big problem here], my guild needs me.” I never want WoW to interfere with my RL like that. If friends/family ask to hang out and I’ve already signed up for a raid, then that’s a bit different. Unless I can easily get out of it, I’ve committed myself to something, and I like to follow through. Course, this makes the explanation a smidge awkward for my non-WoW playing friend and family. I usually just go with a generic, “I got stuff to do.”
Later on, I had the thought I could have offered to go for at least half an hour or 1 hour, until someone else showed up, but y’know, I didn’t and whatever. Water, bridge. And that’s not the point. The point is that I was being made to feel guilty for not coming to the spontaneous Kara raid that couldn’t happen if I didn’t go. I had RL plans that were an ‘excuse’ and I could just call my friends and ask to meet later, right? Did I mention the sobbing? I don’t cry easy, or so I like to think, and I was pretty undone by Jerkface’s comments.
Things with him (and by extention, the guild) were never quite the same. He never said “Hey, sorry I made you so upset” or well, much of anything. I pretty much avoided dealing with him as much as possible and did my best to keep to the high road and not be the cause of drama. I barely said a word of what happened to anyone other than a good e-friend and one guildie (who could tell I was upset about something) and even to my guildie, I tried to be vague and simple in my explanation. I didn’t want to slander Jerkface needlessly because of my reaction to what happened. I still wonder why I stayed in the guild as long as I did after that. The urge to log off or /gquit spontaneously was never as strong as it was that day…. I ended up leaving the guild probably 6 or more months later and I sent a PM to the GM on the guild’s website and detailed a few of the main reasons for my leaving and I did invoke Jerkface’s name as a reason. I had become rather bitter about that and other dramaz (one involving Jerkface and guildies who left in a way he didn’t agree with) and I didn’t like that about myself. I pretty much cut off contact with the folks in the guild, it was just…the bitter, it was like a disease and I associated them with that time of my life when I was filled by it. Later on, a handful of them joined the guild I was in and well…awkwaaard.
Some time later, I was on the same alt Jerkface had helped through SM and was now at 70. I was minding my own business when one of the alts I knew he had wandered by and emoted ‘******punching me’ (word censored cause it’s nastay..but it refers to a part of the female anatomy) and logged off immediately. I actually had to ask a friend what it meant cause I could infer it was nasty but had never encountered that particular word before. I didn’t do anything, but now I wonder if I shouldn’t have reported him. Oh well.
So that’s the story of the most emotional, upsetting, bitter-inducing time in game for me, may it rest in peace. Felt kinda good to get it off my chest. And maybe folks can tell me if I under or overreacted or just need to get over it (which I really am now). I wonder what others have experienced in game that made them uberupset, I’m sure there are stories that put mine to shame.
Group hug, y’all! Thanks for reading my ramblings. 🙂