In which I feel guilty

This post is going to be red, because….I feel like it.

I’ve noticed something about myself over my WoW raiding career. I suffer from ‘loot guilt.’  See, when I’m raiding progression content, and an item is desired by more than one person, I feel guilty rolling and then winning it. Even with DKP sometimes, I feel bad because others needed the item aside from me and I got it and they didn’t. I try to err on the side of caution….if I’m not sure or it’s a mild side grade, I don’t bother rolling. Which means I have passed up on things that I later go “Yeeeah, that was an upgrade after all. Dangit. Ehh, next time.” And when I’m new to a guild, I’m even more twitchy about rolling on loot. My gosh, one guild I was new-ish too, I would ask if it was ok I was rolling, or whisper the RL or something, because I didn’t want to be percieved as a loot ho or just greedy and piss veteran guildies off.

Just tonight, I was in ICC and my 10 man crew dropped Festergut for the first time (woooo!). A nice healy ring dropped and it was a pretty spifftastic upgrade from a Triumph emblem ring I had. A few others rolled on it and for a few seconds I mulled over whether I should roll as well or pass to be nice. I had a whole split second debate over it (pause too long and the choice is made for me, after all). It wasn’t as if I would be in the wrong to roll on it, but still I felt guilt. Should I pass so that others will get the loot and benefit from it? After all, gearing up your teammates helps you in the end, by gearing them up and thus being able to progress further. Would anyone gripe, even inwardly to themselves, if I did roll?

In 25 mans, where we use DKP, the guilt isn’t as bad. It’s why I like DKP, because at least it is equal-ish in how loot is distributed. I say equal-ish, cause there are folks have gripes about the fairness of most every DKP system around. My guild uses Suicide Kings, though I’ve not entirely disliked any DKP system I’ve been subject to…well, maybe the first one I ever used back in the day (don’t ask me the name, I wasn’t hip to that kinda shit back then), where each item had a value and you’d bid in raid and whoever had the highest bid and had the points for it, would get it. Struck me as somewhat unfair and…wierd. But it was my first brush with DKP, so who knows what I’d think of it now. Point is, DKP at least is an attempt to make loot distribution fair and you can’t just win 4 items in a night unless nobody else wants them. So my guilt problem is usually allayed by the DKP system. It’s impartial and fair (ish).

I think part of my problem is I care (too much at times) what people think of me. I don’t want them thinking I’m a horrible, selfish person, and I fear that when I roll on gear, someone who needed it more will feel jealous and whatnot because they needed it more or thought it was a better fit for their class/spec, or they’ll think “She already got something by /rolling greed earlier, she shouldn’t be needing on something if I haven’t gotten anything tonight” or *something*. I try to be nice and fair and polite, etc, but at the same time, I need gear too and….augh!!! I worry too much. Still, this ‘loot guilt’ has been with me since I started raiding, I think. I even remember getting a shield off Ragnaros in MC back in ye olde days and feeling guilty cause the GM (also a pally) pretty much gave it to me by not bidding on it or something…I felt so bad, even while feeling elated.

Is there a solution to this? I wish I knew. Am I overreacting? Who’s to say…if anyone’s had a problem with me and loot I’ve rolled on, I haven’t heard about it. Will I continue to feel guilty at times? Most likely. I’m a worrier who cares too much about other’s opinion of me. It’s just who I am. Maybe it’s cause I got bullied as a kid and my self worth is based on what folks think of me. Yeeeah. Oh, and to those folks who did mock me when I was younger: KISS MY ASS. Oh, that felt good.

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About Endyme

I'm a 30-something graphic designer who enjoys traveling, reading and playing WoW in my spare time. I have no life. That is all.
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17 Responses to In which I feel guilty

  1. zelmaru says:

    It’s really hard too when it’s a huge upgrade for someone else and a smaller upgrade for you. But the only reason it’s a huge upgrade for them and not for you is because you’ve worked your ASS off for your gear, and their gear is suck because they’re lazy. Yes, it benefits the guild as a whole for the person who “needs the loot more” to have it, but it screws over the hard workers.

    Take your loot and don’t feel bad. You’ve earned it!

  2. Ophelie says:

    This is why I love that my guild uses loot council. One of the first thing they tell new guildies is show interest whenever you want something. Let them decide who gets to be a loot whore. There’s still room for strategy- if you really want something, you have a better chance of getting it if you pass on everything else, but ultimately decisions are made based on who’ll make the most use of the item (which is a combination of who’s around most often, who’s performed really well recently and who needs the item the most).

    Personally, though, I just see loot as a way to improve the raid. I gear to raid and not the other way around. Actually, I kinda see gemming and enchanting my gear as “the work”, and getting to raid as my reward.

  3. Tarinae says:

    I have a couple things to say to this. As a guild leader leading a very tight night, very casual raiding group passing on loot has been viewed as a problem. I mean that in the most literal sense.

    Everyone in our guild has been together for about 2 years most are IRL friends and family even. This creates a lot of the “well I will just pass to so&so” issues. Taking loot is not a bad thing, you…just as much as anyone else…have earned it. Passing when you consider the DEGREE of the upgrade their blue->purple upgrade or your +3 int so to say…but if you know you can use it don’t be afraid to want/take it.

    Yes, I agree, passing loot does make your teammates better but you are part of that team and equally as important. We tried open rolling and loot council to fix this problem. Even when we used LC and assigned the piece, she GAVE IT AWAY against our thoughts she needed it more (ps. that pissed our LC off) so now she still needed an upgrade and she had it in her grasps.

    Running with a pug or a new guild is one situation to be cautious of loot but in a standard run, you deserve it just as much as anyone else.

    And on a last note…I really hate Suicide Kings. Perhaps I had a negative experience or a crappy leader who screwed me over…but all the same I hate it.

    • Endyme says:

      See, and I’m not a fan of Loot Council. It *sounds* logical at first glance, but (to me) there’s the potential for favoritism and bribes and drama. My guild on my old server uses Loot Council and I do trust my guildies, but even so, I just didn’t care for it. It would be very easy for someone to cause drama over a percieved slight or just for resentment to brew because someone felt they or another guildie deserved Item X more than the winner. I like the cold logic of most of the other DKP systems.

      But for every guild, there’s usually at least one system that works for them. Which is why it’s nice to have a varied selection. Something for everyone!

  4. Endyme says:

    Ophelie :

    Personally, though, I just see loot as a way to improve the raid. I gear to raid and not the other way around. Actually, I kinda see gemming and enchanting my gear as “the work”, and getting to raid as my reward.

    Agreed. I want to be all that I can be so that I can raid and I wish the same for others. Enchants, gemming, doing enough research so I’m not picking up items with stats I don’t need is the work I need to do to help be all I can be (*sings* In the aaaaarmy!) I’m genuinely happy when folks get loot, even if I rolled and lost, because it means they’ll be that much better next time we hit up ICC or wherever. Which means it’ll take even less effort to do it all again and hope something drops I might could use. Raiding is a reward, but it’s also the work to get the gear so you can get the reward of further raiding (if that makes any sense :)).

  5. Askevar says:

    You’ll be back and it’ll drop again 🙂 And you can cheer when the next person gets it.

    Gratz on the Festergut kill! I heard ya’ll made a lot of progress on Rotface too! 😀 WOOT!

    • Endyme says:

      If by alot you mean we managed to last about 20 seconds before being overwhelmed by ooze and other nastiness, yes! I think we got him to 82% once. It was a nutty fight. I was trying SO HARD to remember not to insta-cleanse the debuff off folks and somehow that lead to me not even healing them (which was stupid) and well, now I’ve seen it. Exciting!

      • Askevar says:

        Rotface is an exciting fight for pretty much everyone but the MT lol. I tank him so far on our 10 man and am just now really understanding the rest of the fight. Pretty much all I can see is his ugly face 🙂 As with most of the fights it’s a dance. Took us a few weeks to get him down – ya’ll will get him 🙂

        Now my favorite fight thus far is Blood Princes – because I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to gather orbs to tank the shadow guy while Ven is tanking the other two… Craziest fight I’ve ever done!

  6. Kanrad says:

    Just look at it like this, if you don’t take an upgrade your cheating the raid. They depend on you as a healer and to progress you not only need to get better at the class you need better gear.

    Don’t gimp your raid, roll on the gear. In the end it all works out and everyone eventually gets the drops they want.

    Healers should never worry about loot hoing, same with tanks. They are important roles for the raids success.

  7. Inq says:

    Wait, we use DKP?
    I’m the GM and the Loot Master and I don’t know about this?

  8. Iris says:

    I’m glad you got the ring. It will drop again: I’m a cruel taskmaster. We’ll be downing that big gas-bag again. Never, ever, ever-ever feel guilty about rolling on stuff, please! Not on my runs! Ever-ever!

    The whole deal is *fun*. Upgrades are fun. And *I* have fun seeing my peeps get pimped.

    So, hush yo guilt. 🙂

    • Endyme says:

      Oh mah gosh, it’s an Iris!

      /moo

      I delayed in rolling on it as long as I did because I was all, “Oh, Iris rolled and she doesn’t roll on any little thing so…augh! What to do?”

      I like it when healy plate stuff drops, because it’s usually not much of a dilemna there. When you’re the only holy pally in the raid, if you don’t want it, it gets sharded. Makes it reeeeeally easy.

      I’ll try and work on the guilt thing. I think it’s just part and parcel of who I am though.

  9. Inq says:

    As long as you remember that all gear is hunter gear, it’s going to be alright.

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